Review: ‘Love Hurts’ is Very Painful, Save for Some Decent Action

Holiday-themed movies are a time-honored tradition, particularly when it comes to the idea of coming home for Christmas. Non-religious holidays aren’t as typical as fodder for cinema, but most celebrations do originate with some sort of religious tradition even if their modern observances have gotten far from that initial idea. Valentine’s Day is one such event on the calendar, a great time for studios to release romantic comedies that might attract endearing audiences when love is supposedly in the air. Love Hurts, try as it feebly may, does not belong with those well-meaning if sometimes similarly poorly-executed efforts.

Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan) loves his job, selling homes to people and making sure they end up in a place that’s truly going to make them happy. It turns out, however, that he hasn’t always led such a straightforward and idyllic life, and the return of Rose (Ariana DeBose) sends multiple determined killers after him, all sent by his brother Knuckles (Daniel Wu) so that he can locate and kill the woman he thought was already dead. Marvin has long ago left this world behind, but he has little choice other than to try to become the man he used to be in order to protect the woman he still cares about and preserve what he can of this new identity he’s built for himself.

Advertising for this film makes extensive use of candy hearts, and Rose reveals herself to still be alive by sending valentines to those she used to know. It’s a thin gimmick emblematic of this film’s truly lacking screenplay, a plot device that’s half thought out and then completely abandoned once she’s around and its meager details are unveiled. Knuckles’ incompetent henchmen, The Raven (Mustafa Shakir), King (Marshawn Lynch), and Otis (André Eriksen), are all dealing with various topics of romance that distract from the story, sometimes in a positive way since they’re at least able to find humor that’s not entirely germane to the senseless and mind-numbing plot.

That this film is billed as starring two Oscar winners is a true disservice to both their careers. This is absolutely a role tailor-made for Quan following his career comeback and Oscar win for Everything Everywhere All at Once, and there’s one scene in particular where he calculates that he has multiple people trying to kill him that shows just why he’s perfect for the role. But he’s also capable of much more, a shining star in all the action scenes but reduced to uttering sloppily-written lines to connect the agonizing scenes of banal conversation. DeBose, a tour de force in West Side Story, has so little to work with here that it’s not really her fault that the character is so transparent and dull. It’s a shame given her talent, but there’s no character development whatsoever and it’s impossible to get a read on what type of person she’s supposed to be. For a film that’s all about embracing past identities, this film goes to zero lengths to fill audiences in on what those might have been aside from a few laughable flashbacks with questionable facial hair and costumes.

The supporting cast ranges from impressive and scene-stealing, like Lio Tipton as Marvin’s employee who hates her job but is drawn in by one of his would-be killers, to absolutely terrible, namely the usually terrific Rhys Darby, whose accountant with awful prosthetic teeth is the worst part of the film. Shakir, Lynch, and Eriksen understand the assignment and are having fun, while Sean Astin, as Marvin’s supportive boss, feels like he’s in a completely different film, playing his part as if it’s the most serious in the world. Knuckles, always seen drinking Boba and demanding death for anyone who would dare defy him, is a clumsy villain far less interesting than those for some reason in his employ, and Wu doesn’t add anything to that.

This film is billed as sharing the same producers as Nobody, and that comparison doesn’t do it any favors. That project, while less objectively entertaining, was far more solid in its construction and also the application of some moral code, which this film doesn’t bother to explore as it opts to navigate half-developed romantic relationships instead. Where Love Hurts is mildly tolerable is in its hand-to-hand combat and action sequences, which involve a good deal of creativity and ambition not shared by this film as a whole. It’s mercifully short, running just 83 minutes, but with less than a quarter of that spent on its best asset – the action – this film still feels like an overlong chore.

Movie Rating: 3/10

Awards Buzz: If The Fall Guy couldn’t get a nomination for its visual effects, then this one won’t be able to earlier. If a stunts category was added to the Oscar lineup, this film might have a decent shot, but otherwise, don’t expect it to be an awards player with any voting group.